>officially sick

>… of work? No. At least not what I’m talking about now, hehe. I feel hot and dizzy. My throat hurts, my head aches. Worst of all, now that I have the time to have a proper sleep, I can’t even close my eyes. I’m officially sick. At weekend. The very right time to get sick.


>last day of workshop

>I have 5 minutes before the workshop begins. Don’t really know what I want to write, because when I wake up this morning I swear to myself I won’t complain anything about work. Well at least just for today. I will be very productive and very seriously learn these nonsense useful technologies about “software as services”.

There’s a Nestle coffee machine here, which reminds me of my internship at IBM and how we, the interns, used to finish off the Milo. Not one of the best times of my life, anyway.

Well, the workshop begins. Actually today’s workshop is far more interesting than the last two days. The idea of building applications without having to write a single line of code? That’s fascinating. JDeveloper is fascinating. Except that it has so many panels, which is confusing. And it takes up too much memory and patience. It takes forever for my page to load.

Or I made a mistake. Because others don’t take that long. Let’s see…

Turns out, after redoing the lab, it’s the last step that makes my page won’t work. And I did everything in the tutorial. Whatever. I’ll just skip and proceed. I like it here, I wish I don’t have to go back to office again tomorrow. Or for good. Oh well. What is it about my promise to stop complaining?

Anyway, I’m further in this lab than everyone else (maybe because I simply ignore all the error and move on) so I have extra time now. Do you know that I’ve written this post since 9 am (it is now 2 pm)? Maybe I should just stop.

>some blabbering in Saturday night

>Let’s just say I’m in the mood to write. I have 3 active blogs and I’ve updated all of them yesterday. You would wonder why I need 3 blogs.

Ok, the first one is this blog, the oldest one, for posts about daily life. Or random, foolish thoughts, more likely. And then I have a private blog for the heart talks. Not only about love life (even though most of the posts are really about it), but anything I feel too personal or too stupid to be exposed in public. Why not create a private post in the same blog, then? Well, I’m just afraid I might forget to mark it as personal post. Or maybe I just want to separate those aspects of my life. Anything. The third one is my Tumblr, which I’m not sure what it’s for. I create the blog when I was really bored at work. I like Tumblr, only sometimes I’m not sure whether to write here or there. Well, why does it matter anyway? As long as I can find a place to write.

Blogging was once very popular in CSUI05. We put links of each other’s blogs and check the blog aggregator to see who has updated his/her blog. We put shoutbox in our page so everyone can write unimportant things there. There was almost always a comment for each post and a gossip following it. Ah, I miss those days.

I did not notice when the blogging ritual disappear. Suddenly everyone was too busy. Or maybe it’s the booming of microblogging like Plurk or Twitter or just Facebook status. I have those accounts too, of course. But I never think they are enough to accommodate my thoughts, because well, I think a lot. So I stick with these macro-blogs.

And as if they’re not enough, I still write a diary too. Really, who still write diaries these days? Hehe. I don’t know, there’s something romantic about writing in a diary. Or simple, more likely. All that you need are just a pen and a diary. Not complicated things like a computer and Internet connection. Well, back to the romantic part. When you write a diary, your handwriting also expresses your emotions. I like to see how my handwriting becomes larger when I’m angry, or smaller and neat when I’m not really in the mood to write but have nothing to do, or messy when I’m so happy and impatient to write about my happiness.

Anyway, you must have noticed how I write in English in the latest posts (if you bother to spend your time reading my blog). Some of you who know me well will know that I really love Bahasa Indonesia. And it’s not like my English is good. Well actually I’ve been writing in English for quite a long time in my private blog and diary, but I reserve this blog mostly for posts in Bahasa Indonesia. So why? Well just the fact that I will need to use English soon and I’d better improve it from now.

That’s it for tonight. Time to read and go to sleep. Bye everyone.

>the states I’m in

>First, gratitude.
… and can hereby officially offer you the Erasmus Mundus scholarship
for course edition 2010-2012 …
My first reaction after reading those words is crying. Thanking God for everything, for giving me the chance to read those words. Gratitude, that was all I had.

Next, the excitement.
Here’s when I started browsing about Malta and Groningen.
The universities, available courses, which ones I would like to take, which ones I would not.
The incredibly beautiful beaches of Malta.
Things I will do, books I will find, pictures I will take.
Friends I will meet.

Then came the worries.
This is when the what-ifs popped into my head.
What if I can’t find moslems there?
What if it’s hard to find halal food?
What if somehow I run out of money?
Where will I pray?

And now, the fear.
Those are the lands of strangers. Somehow I’m afraid of not having any friends. I don’t easily make friends. Sometimes I smile to strangers, but mostly I don’t. I’m going to try hard of course, but still I’m worried of being lonely there.
And there are people here I will leave, those who love me and I love. Family, friends, boyfriend. How am I gonna make it without them? How will they be without me?

All those feelings are now mixed up.
I know the excitements will sometimes fade. There will be times when the courses are too difficult, or good books are hard to find, or anything.
I know the worries will die before I could even realize it. Maybe then they’re replaced with the new ones.
I know the fear will eventually go away. It may take longer than everyone else, but so far I can always find friends anywhere I go.
Well then I just hope that the gratitude never leaves me. I just hope that I can always, and by always I really mean all the time, find something to be grateful of.

>yey it’s a long weekend

>Extra time to read, to blog, to go to the malls.
Less time to code, to be stuck in traffic jams, to count down the hours till 5 pm.

Well, I’m currently working for money, not for career, hehe. At least for the following few months. This is not how I want to build my career (I’ll figure it out later). But I can spend the money to buy books.

I bought these books last week.

  1. The Art of Racing in the Rain – Garth Stein
  2. How to Train Your Dragon – Cressida Cowell
  3. Still Alice – Lisa Genova
  4. Holes – Louis Sachar
  5. Thirteen Reasons Why – Jay Asher

Can’t find Jonathan Safran Foer’s Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.

I’ve finished How To Train Your Dragon, like it but I doubt I would want to buy the other books of the series. Currently reading Thirteen Reasons Why, Holes, and The Art of Racing in the Rain (I love parallel-reading!). Getting through half of the book, I don’t like Thirteen Reasons Why so far, but we’ll see how it ends.

Oh, and I haven’t finished two Sherlock Holmes The Complete Novels and Stories I bought last month. Way to go.

A friend left for study last night. I wonder what it feels like. I wonder what I will feel when it’s my time to leave, too. I wonder who will be there to say ‘goodbye’ and ‘see you around’, and how they will feel about my leaving. I wonder what it’s like when I get to the plane that brings me to a land of complete strangers and for the last time, stare into this city I love so much.